3/16/2014

Better Find Out Where They Want You To Go.

I'm at that stage where I feel like I've hit a wall. A wall which I've thrown myself against repeatedly to try to break it. One which I've tried to climb over. One which I've tried to walk around and one which I've just tried to flat out ignore. But it's there - and it's annoying me. And I'm still trying to break it down.

Everything feels a little bit more difficult that it should do at the moment - I feel like my running progress has plateaued which fills me with fear with the 5k fast approaching. I feel tired all the time, and have been sent off for another round of blood tests to see what mischief my hormones are creating now and whether I might also be iron deficient. And I feel frustrated with my work - I feel like all my current projects are on the more "work work work" side, with some sort of creative undertaking needed to pick me up. However I don't want to commit myself to anything big until I can guarantee that my body isn't going to pack up on me and send me to Zzzz-town.
Health vs Health.
It feels a little health vs health at the moment. Run, get fitter, fight against the stomach pain, PCOS and hormones, feel drained, feel sick, feel sleepy, get run down, get a cold, don't run, feel useless, feel like a failure, run, start process all over again. Over the last eight weeks I've been running almost every other day, normally a minimum of 4k, sometimes closer to 6. Often it was partly walked or slow ran, especially as I push myself to do routes with huge hills  and steep inclines but this week, I managed Monday. Just Monday. I've made myself go for a few walks, but this is the first week since I committed to running the 5K where my training schedule has completely fallen by the wayside, and it's really got under my skin.
Feels like the story of my life right now!
I'm trying to not beat myself up about it. It's been a rough week with a huge workload and I've not been feeling 100% so have decided to pick up where I left off next week. I'm currently sat in the countryside, and am trying to clear my mind with a view to starting over on Monday morning.

In terms of creativity, I've dusted off a few old project ideas and shelved something else I'd been working on with a view to coming back to it another time. It's nice to be making plans and writing outlines, even if that's all they are right now. I'm not going to lie, I feel a bit miserable and sorry for myself, but I need to weigh out the rubbish stuff with everything which is also good.

Next week is a new start, eh?

Also if anyone feels like donating a few pennies, I'm training to run the 5k Electric Run for Breast Cancer Care. You can sponsor me here.

Until next time,

Diana xx

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(All photos (c) Diana Thompson / Fashion Loves Photos unless otherwise stated. Please do not reproduce without written permission.)


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